Weird people are everywhere; but there seems to be an unwritten rule that all weirdos must ride the DC metro. Coming from someone who was dubbed "Weirdest girl I have ever met" from 4 separate people on 4 separate occasions....that's pretty harsh. I mean, I love the DC metro -- it helps me get to work (on time), it gives me a work out (I sweat so much when the red line breaks down in the middle of nowhere, and it's 110 degrees inside the cattle car), it gets me to amazing places (ie the DC UNITED GAME WHICH WAS HEAVENLY, BTW), and most of all, it allows me to stare at people I find semi-attractive...and by semi-attractive I mean COMPLETELY INSANE.
Granted, you have the random homeless man that jumps inside occasionally and sings songs about pretty 16 year-old-girls etc. etc. etc., but THAT's not weird. What's WEIRD is when (and I've told some people this story already so bare with me) people decide that the metro is a prime spot for picking people up. In less than a week I've seen so many....I can't even describe it without vomitting in my mouth and having to reswallow it.
Example 1.) There was this pretty Indian chick just sitting in front of me minding her own business. Then this well-dressed, preppy looking white kid sat next to her. What ensued was probably the strangest pickup line I had ever heard. ever.
Purdy lady (sitting and staring out the window)
Weird white kid (slowly puts his arm around the back of her seat): You know...the way the light hits the crevices in this ceiling, it's so beautiful isn't it? It's so.....so....poetic.
ALRIGHT, WHAT?!?! what just CAME out of his mouf?? complete and utter garbage, let me tell you. Here's this decent looking guy spouting out garbage; so strange, so strange. Look above, if you haven't already figured it out, for what he was pointing at...
Example 2.) so I was walking to get on the metro, and I was thinking about my latest feat in Bookworm (best word: vulva = 4950 points...all gold tiles SUCKA!!!), and suddenly this RANDOM man comes up to me and says:
"You're married aren't you."
First of all, I, Aivisaur, usually get mistaken for an eighth grader, not a married wo-man (speaking of the word woman, one time my sister and I convinced my Vietnamese-born uncle that the word "woman" was pronounced "whoa-man" LOLLL).
But chyea, my reply was oh-so-quick:
"Nah..but I have a boyfriend. Yeah, he's really big and black and u know he just got out of jail."
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAh CHA CHING!!!
Example 3.) this really wasn't on the metro; this event actually occurred THIS morning whilst riding the AMTRAK to DC. I got on and found a row that was empty (empty meaning two seats were available). I put my stuff down and subsequently passed out...I mean PASSED out. C'mon, it was seriously 6:40 in the morning, of course I'm going to sleep like so:
 lol lol lol lol
Yah, so I was basically passed out. Drooling, breathing loudly, whatever. THE POINT IS, when I WOKE UP, apparently someone grabbed a seat next to mine, becuase THIS IS ALLLLLLLLL I SAW:
AHHHHHHHHHH, you know you're wiating for her to jump out of your comptuter screen and go "a.a.a.a.a.a.a.a..a.a.a.a.a.a." (i jumped a little bit when I googled "creepy stare" too; I won't front.) Well, on the bright side, it wasn't a chick per se, but it was this really feminine lookin dude who was straight up sitting next to me and staring at me while I slept.........if that's not creepy bordering on "the grudge" creepy, I don't know whawt else is.
LAST EXAMPLE.) This is probably the funniest example. AND EVEN BETTER is that this ALSO occured this morning on my way to work. ON THE METRO. LOLLLL it was the funniestthing...Apparently the orange line broke down (again) so the blue line was comin in its stead (again). By the time we boarded the blue line metro, the cars were PACKED. i mean PACKEDDDD. There literally was no room to sit, so everyone pretty much had to stand. However, that was just the sucky part; the FUNNY part was when I turned to look over my shoulder...and BEHOLD!!! There was this REALLy petite Asian girl standing and facing her rather large, awkward-looking American/White/Anglo Saxon boyfriend ....and while she was listening to her ipod, her BF was trying to...........................
(wait for it............
wait for it............)
LICK HER EAR!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAH OMG, whaaaaaaaat in the world??!!?! that was the most random thing for him to do. He kept trying to take her headphone off to nuzzle the inside of her ear....I was soooooo immensely grossed out, mainly because it was 8:15 in the morning, and seriously who does that in public. ESP inside a crowded metro. I could tell she was super embarrassed because she kept trying to shrug him off (you know, and she made taht high-pitched Asian whiny noise...classic stuff). Terribleness.
I'm telling you, I could provide a million more examples of what weird things people do on the metro. To be completely truthful, I've been known to occasionally rub on some deodorant when no one's lookin, nah mean nah mean...it gets so hot in DC. People look at me funny, but then I think "hey dude, whatever, you're the one lickin some ear wax there holmes." | 
wait, wha? Wha was I saying??? HAhahahahah! I kid, Christian Bale was aight as batman. let me tell you who OWNZ it though. SERIOUSLY, hands down TERRY MCGINNIS in batman beyond. Look at the piece of fine batman. Look at him lookin all good contemplatin life and what not. If only he were a real boy...........(drools drools on self drools on self)
